The hero of
this story is the new nervous student, this is because the story straight away
starts with the nervous new student coming into the school therefore the film
starts with him. I would make the hero appear to be an ordinary boy with a
fairly normal life, but then ends up getting special powers because of
something that happens to him later on once he started the school. The boy
(hero) will dress in ordinary clothes – black t-shirt (not branded) and some
dark blue jeans (nothing unusual). He will be fairly quiet and walk with
slouched shoulders, hand in his pockets.
At the
beginning of the story the situation will be the boy having to change schools and
leave his previous friends in his previous school. He has a father but has no
mother because she died leaving him and his dad lonely with arguments because they
don’t get on (mum used to help in arguments).
When he starts the school he meets a girl and makes best friends with a
nerdy boy who gets bullied and doesn’t have friends, the boy (hero) gets on
okish with the bullies as well though.
The new
opportunity will be he goes off and finds a purple stone which ends up giving
him special powers (to be able to control objects and even people).
The conflict
in the story is he has to choose between being popular with the bullies and
having a lot of girls around, or he can have his best friend the nerd and the
girl he loves only. The other conflict is his powers themselves so that it
doesn’t cause him losing his friend.
The goal Is
to stop his best friend being bullied (after he chooses the best friend and
girl), and also to use his powers correctly so they don’t take over him but he
takes over the powers. His other goal is to make sure that the bullies don’t
get his girl in spite of him. His other goal is to keep his powers hidden (not
from best friend and girl though only).
I though the plot was good and it was clear, as it related to everyday life and would be relate-able to the audience. I sense you know exactly where you want to go with this piece. I liked the choices you gave the hero as it bullied his characters personality not knowing what he will choose in the end... Does he become a bully with powers? Does he become a ladies man? Or is he true to his best friends?
ReplyDeleteHowever I felt as a reader you gave me to much information and didn't let my imagination run wild with it. although it had me asking questions.
- I think what would make it a lot clear if you gave names to the three main characters 'new kid/ nerdy kid/ girl'
- Why would he have a lot of girls around? felt this was random as you only mention 'Bullies' and 'his two mates'
- how does his power relate to his life? E.g. his dad and him don't get along and he's tired being the shy new kid and accepting how things are because his mum isn't there any more, so he has to take matters into his own hands!
I don't like giving feedback as I enjoyed it, however I hope this helps when improving your piece :)